THE PUZZLEMASTER SHALL SHOW YOU THE TRUE PAIN. Also, listener Duncan was raped and peed on. This show is fucking nuts. Happy Birthday, Michael?

My nephew is fucking up, Community College is for old, gross housewives, I'm starving, UNIVERSAL RULE: Spoiler Alerts, the Nerdist still sucks.

FLYING SOLO! Dick Clark is a dead old pervert, Marlon Brando sucked Wally Cox, Ke$ha is stupid, time for another celeb death pool, I never wanna die, Breaking Bad is better than Mad Men, Ted Nugent wants Obama dead, Pod Awful is a cult, I kill an entire religion, body wash is for gays.

SAMMI GARETT is here! Sammi shares with me her recent online dating horror stories and the worst breakup she's ever had. Also I teach her what a vajanus is.

ETHAN STANISLAWSKI is here! ATTENTION!!! If this is your first episode, TURN BACK NOW. Go listen to other episodes, fall in love, and then come back. We get attacked by another podcast and the whole first half is a trainwreck. Second half isn't too terrible a show though. Red Bar Radio takeover.

LAHNA TURNER didn't show up! So I surprise Mary with a phone call, then talk about Trayvon Martin and retards. Good times.

ADAM HINIKER is here! I update Adam on the situation with Mary and I reveal AN EPIC APRIL FOOL'S DAY PRANK! Also discussed: Jungle Fever, Blendr, charity, fresh prince, Fiverr, My Father, Brazilians, boobs and butts, and Perry Caravello.

STEPHANIE STREISAND is here! Updates on how it went with my ex-girlfriend. We also give English speaking lessons for foreign listeners, and also STEPHANIE GOES CRAZY AND HOLDS A KNIFE TO MY THROAT.

MARY MY EX-GIRLFRIEND is here! We divulge secrets, make each other sad, and slowly devolve over this hour and a half long show! And there is a dramatic ending! (Sorry for poor audio toward the end, mic was being a bigger c*nt than Mary.)

DANNY LOBELL is here! (Also a little doggie. Also My ex-girlfriend. Insert misogynist joke here.) We receive hatemail, anger the transgendered community, play some skits from comedy legend Steve Shaw, and have a fortune cookie.